Lauren’s Story: The Day I Started Living

May 12, 2022 | Stories

Lauren Huffmaster, a wife and mother of three little girls, is living with metastatic breast cancer (MBC). The bones are the first site of metastases for almost half of women diagnosed with MBC, so it’s important to understand the connection between breast and bone health. Knowing your risk, embracing a healthy lifestyle and undergoing regular scans are important. This is Part 2 of Lauren’s story.

My first years of cancer came with the mantra, “This will be the most difficult year of my life, but I can get through it.” I put my head down and pushed forward. I decided to take the most aggressive treatments because if cancer grew in my first 35 years, I didn’t want any left to grow in the next 35. I was young, strong and could take anything they brought my way. And so I did. 

Two years into treatment for stage 3 breast cancer, I had a PET scan that revealed cancer had spread throughout my skeletal system.   

I was already scared. I was already weak. At that moment, I felt like a woman who swam straight into the ocean with all her might, racing toward a beautiful island that promised to provide her safety, certainty and life. She swam against waves and pushed forward with great resolve. When arriving at the place where the island should be, she learns the island never existed.  Exhaustion, panic, fear, anger, sadness and hopelessness rise. She tries to look above the water, but no direction, no facts or knowledge can save her and she begins to sink.   

For 10 weeks, I sank, with no other thought except death.   

One morning I woke and I could feel the cold, isolating darkness. I sat on my bed, frozen. I considered all the days I spent preparing for death, yet I didn’t seem any more ready for that moment. I then considered another option – life. 

What if I spent my days living and chose to forget about death? What would be possible? What could I accomplish?  

I imagined life, a life worth living, and in my imagining the darkness withdrew. I felt my heart and mind expanding. It was as if I broke through the oppressive weight of dark waters and burst into the light of purpose.   

On that day, I began to live.   

It was not easy at first, I still had to tread the waters of uncertainty, but as I swam in my new diagnosis, I became stronger. The more I focused on life, and the gift of today, the brighter the world became.   

Today, I share my story so others can envision a new identity. I want everyone to know a life impacted by cancer can be bolder and stronger than any life they lived before the diagnosis moment.   

Choosing to push through darkness allowed me to become an island for others, a place of safety, increasing certainty and life. 

Statements and opinions expressed are that of the individual and do not express the views or opinions of Susan G. Komen. This information is being provided for educational purposes only and is not to be construed as medical advice. Persons with breast cancer should consult their healthcare provider with specific questions or concerns about their treatment.